What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 13:07
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Google can now generate a fake AI podcast of your search results - Ars Technica
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Where to Watch Le Mans Live Stream 24-Hour Race Online for Free From Anywhere - Business Insider
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Apple Has a Huge Siri Problem That WWDC 2025 Probably Won’t Fix - Gizmodo
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The #1 Spice to Help You Poop, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Comes on , in middle age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Is Capcut best for video editing to learn?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
What we know about Trump's latest travel ban - BBC
I never cut or harmed myself..
It was going to be , some day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Which genre of novels is most profitable to publish and why?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why are women attracted to ugly guys?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Would this be the day?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
How do we know that Taylor Swift was originally a brunette?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She loved him until the end.
Social Security's 2026 COLA Has an Unpleasant Surprise in Store for Retirees - The Motley Fool
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
5 Things to Know Before the Stock Market Opens - Investopedia
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I write beautiful poetry .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The First in 30 Years: Scientists Discover New Class of Antibiotics - SciTechDaily
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
Ive learnt so much.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
She was in good health!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So, i spoilt her more .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She married twice! .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My family never makes their pension either.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was very sick at this time too.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
My life is so biszare .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But, we were locked up after school.
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She wouldn,t have been !
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was 9 years of age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Put me off passion for life!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I don,t even have a pension.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im still living with it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I said to her
I was seconnd youngest,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
When she asked me how she looked .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it wasn’t much.
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..